the condom got lost in my hair
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
