my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
