I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
