his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
