so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
