My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize