there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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