I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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