Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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