you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
