I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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