Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
