I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
