So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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