the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
