i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
