Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
