After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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