Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
