i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
