I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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