I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
