At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
