Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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