Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
