guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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