i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
