I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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