Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
