it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
