if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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