It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
