He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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