I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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