Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
