youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sponge bath it is.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Randomize
