My brain says no but my pants say off.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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