Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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