: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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