Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
