dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
