So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
