Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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