i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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