We won't sleep together?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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