she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
