If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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