he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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