i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
