Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
