Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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