I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
