Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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