So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I wear drunk well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
