I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
