At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
