Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
