So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
