Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize