So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize