I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
