Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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