I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was confusing and full of hummus
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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