I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
