it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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