You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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