Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
