oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
