Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
