i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
