im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
