apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
