You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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