The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
