And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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