i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
