The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
